Shiver Me Timbers

Below is a picture of Mr. T dressed up like a pirate. 

I wrote about it here. 

I had the setting wrong on the camera, so it's actually a video that's .00341 seconds long.

His pirate costume is the product of two minds, two closets, and a lot of imagination. 

This is not my first encounter of Mr. T dressed like a pirate.  For my 30th birthday, Mr. T threw me a "Pirates and Princesses" themed surprise party.  My former roomies dressed me up in a hot pink boa and princess crown and paraded me around the Kansas City Plaza.  I was given the assignment to ask random people, "What's the key to a successful relationship?"

Really the only response I remember is this one guy who said, "It's really important in relationships to save yourself for marriage."  I thought, "Duh, we've all heard that a zillion times!"  But my former roomie, Melissa, spent the next 20 minutes repeating over and over, "Wow, that is REALLY good advice," like it was the first time she had pondered the idea of abstinence.  She would say it didn't happen like that at all, and she's totally right, but that's how I like to remember it.  It's more entertaining.

Below is a picture of them leading me to the party blindfolded.  Melissa is on the left in the black shirt.  On the right is Daniella, our friend from Germany who was living with us at the time.  Mr. T is in the background in full pirate attire.

Here's the dessert table, which was one of two food tables at the party.  My friends and Mr. T did a great job pulling it all together.  The party was at Paul and Tiffany Mills' house.  They are the charming couple who set us up and we will aways be grateful! 

Ahhh, yes...and here we are.  He was dressed as the Dread Pirate Roberts from the Princess Bride.  If you have not yet had the chance to see the Princess Bride/memorize all the lines/quote them on a daily basis, you are missing out. 

Right before my birthday I had made up my mind that we were breaking up!  I called my mom in tears and was really upset because Mr. T had me move a (literal) ton of rocks around the landscaping of his house in the hot August heat and I had just returned from a mission trip to Colombia where I moved rocks and was NOT HAPPY about moving MORE rocks. 

My mom knew about the surprise party and felt bad that Mr. T had gone to so much work, so she said, "Now honey, I think you just need to give it a couple more weeks.  You always end these things too soon.  Just see how you feel in a few more weeks." 

I thought, "Are you serious?"  But I agreed.  And in a couple more weeks I wasn't so mad about the rocks and the sight of him in that pirate costume kind of made me "shiver me timbers", so we stuck it out.

It was the birthday party that saved our relationship and now, just a short time later, we're picking out pirate costumes together!

Weekend Review

My former roomie, Jordanne, came to visit this weekend.

She didn't want to leave, but we made her.  She was on her hands and knees begging to stay a few more days.  We reminded her that she had several meetings to attend and she needed to return her roommate's car and she eventually caved and decided to go.

Come to think of it, perhaps it was the other way around.

Later on I'll post a few pictures of the weekend and some funny stories.  We had a great time laughing, eating, eating some more and then laughing at how much we were eating.  We also went to WalMart three times. 

In other news, Mr. T is very sick. 
Truly.
I've never seen him so sick. 
There was one point his sinus infection was causing him a lot of pain and for some reason his face got really, really red, so he went to put on some lotion and accidentally rubbed a bunch in his eye, causing his eye to also be really, really red and I felt so sorry for him. 

Unfortunately, he doesn't complain.
Why is that unfortunate, you ask?
Well, it's going to make it pretty bad for me later on when I catch his cold, because I complain A LOT!  When I don't feel well, most of my time is spent walking around with my hand on my forehead and, in my most pathetic voice, asking anyone in sight if I have a fever. 
Oddly enough, the same thing happens if I eat too much.

In other, other news, I saw this today:

Until tomorrow,
Mrs. Tidyman

This Weekend

Last weekend, Mom came!
That was awesome!

This weekend...
Jordanne is coming!
Jordanne is coming!

And we're gonna paint the town red.

I'm talkin' cow tippin', spittin' sunflower seeds off the top-a-the water tower, a trip down to the BINGO hall...

She's never gonna wanna leave!

Church Camp

Before I became Mrs. Tidyman, I worked with kids at a church in Kansas City. 

In the summer, we went to church camp at CYOKAMO in small town Missouri.

It was always a ton of fun/work. 

And it was the only time of year when you could eat those yummy pizza rectangles. 

You know, like the ones you get in school cafeterias.  

Ahhh, so many fun memories...

Like that one little kid who came to camp, completely decked out and taking seriously his mom's "Saftey First" speech.  He had a hat, sunscreen, sunglasses, flashlight and bug spray near him at all times.  If he would get an itch in his arm, he would hold the bug spray centimeters from his skin and spray it directly on his itch.  So priceless. 

Oh, and then there was that time these two camp deans, who shall remain nameless, thought it would be fun to get a new toilet, fill it with Mountain Dew and Baby Ruth candy bars and make people bob for the Baby Ruth's.  I thought it was pretty funny, until they called me up to be a competitor.  Not only is it disgusting, it's really hard to do.  First of all, you can't see anything because your head is in a toilet bowl filled with pop, and you certainly can't breath, and all you can think about is how your bum is sticking up in the air in front of everyone and how you should have worn longer shorts and how the people who went before you probably left tons of spit and snot in the liquid your face is currently in, and how you will never forgive the two deans as long as you live!!!   

On a different note, below are some pictures of kids getting baptized at the end of the week.

Check out that muscle on my arm!  Those are the kind of muscles you get from baptizing kids all summer!

My arms don't look like that anymore.  I really need to start baptizing again.  If you know of anyone who can rattle off the 5 Finger Gospel and has a repentant heart, send 'em my way.  Just kidding.  I can just do some Jillian Michaels or something.



Lessons Learned From Darchelle Webster

I have so many stories about my previous roommate, Darci.  I think God brought us together as roommates because he has a sense of humor and he knew it would be good for a laugh.

Oh, where to begin...

Well, there was that one time we snuck into the pool at our apartment after hours.  It's surrounded by this iron rod fence and we had to use a nearby trashcan to scale it, all the while praying with intensity that we wouldn't impale ourselves in the process.  We eventually made it over.  I can't remember why we decided to sneak into the pool in the first place.  Maybe we had just returned from a late night run (back when we used to exercise) and we needed to cool down, or maybe we were hyped up on sugar, or maybe we were just ding-bats!  Either way, a swimmin' we went.  That is until the Pool Policeman came over and shined a flashlight in our eyes.

Pool Policeman - "Swimming hours are over ladies."
Darci (in her most airhead voice) - "Oh, we didn't realize the pool was closed..."
Me (thinking) - "DARCI, are you crazy!  Of course we realized it!  That's why we had to scale the fence, REMEMBER!"

Lesson Learned:  Iron rod fences are a lot harder to scale when you're drenched in wet clothes.

Then there was that one time we tried to laminate the pancake.  We both worked at the same church and there was a laminator there.  I don't even know why the thought crossed our minds.  It's so completely random.  Nevertheless, we went downstairs to laminate it and I think it would have worked except that our pancake was filled with fruit, which tends to make it smear more.  In the midst of struggling with our little experiment, the Preschool supervisor, Miss Patty, came in.  I thought, "Oh boy, we're gonna get it now!"  But she was totally cool about it!  She said, "Girls, if you're gonna laminate a pancake, you need to do it THIS way."  She knows a lot about the laminator machine.  (Sometime I'll write a tutorial on how to laminate pancakes.)  Anyway, it ended up being one LONG mess that looked like laminated vomit.  We hung it on this guy named Jamie's door.  We were always giving Jamie cool stuff like that.

Lesson Learned:  If you're going to laminate a pancake, leave the fruit OUT! 

And I can't forget that one time she tried to make homemade soup with our friend Alex.  I was S.T.A.R.V.I.N.G and it was taking F.O.R.E.V.E.R!  Seriously!  My belly was swollen and flies were buzzing around my head.  I was SO hungry.  So they were finally on the last step of blending it up in the blender, but they didn't get the lid on tight so tomato soup went all over the kitchen.  Walls, counters, floor, ceiling, everywhere.  "Forget this!" I thought and went out to get a hamburger.

Lesson Learned:  Never make homemade tomato soup.

Looking back, I think about how lots of 25 year olds were married with kids and had mortgages and stuff.  Not us.  I'm not sure what we were reliving, but it was something awesome.  And I wouldn't change a thing!

Darci, Calvin (Travis' brother), Me, Travis (Darci's husband), Kylee (Alex's sister)

We dressed up as Hunters and Bears for Halloween and went swing dancing. 

It was super hot in all those clothes, but we won the competition so it was worth it.



Hide and Seek

Mr. T loves this video.  It practically gives him the giggles.  He came home saying, "I want a lamb!"

You'll see Bee, the confused little lamb, who hears her name but can't find the source.  It's so cute.  I feel like we could name a future child after this sweet, little, dumb lamb.

Our dog, Annie, does something similar to this.  She is really good at playing hide and seek.  Most of the time all Annie wants is:

1. Attention

2. Sleep

3. Dog treats

4. Attention

5. To play with her rope

6. Attention, attention, attention

She is not fond of walks or anything that requires much effort.  She will play with her rope or chew on my duvet cover.  And she will sometimes play hide and seek if Her Majesty deems it worth her time.  Other than that, she's not a big fan of exercise.

If you read blogs, you'll often see people write tutorials about how to do cool craft things and stuff.  I don't really do cool craft things, but I do play hide and seek with my dog sometimes.  In an effort to join the ranks of high class bloggers, I'm going to start writing tutorials as well.

Playing Hide and Seek With Your Dog

A Tutorial Describing the Obvious by Mrs. Tidyman

1.  Choose a doorway to hide in.

2.  Allow dog to inch down the hallway looking for you, obviously with a slight sense of fear and trepidation.

3.  When the dog has come to your hiding spot, jump out and say, "BOO!"
4.  Laugh while the dog is running away.
5.  Quickly choose another doorway to hide in.
6.  Repeat steps 2 thru 6.

Random Smattering of Events

My Mom came up this weekend and Mr. T and I had a lovely time with her. 
She is so easy to be around.  Peaceful, helpful, loving and beautiful. 

On Saturday afternoon we went to a pirate themed birthday party.  Mr. T went in costume.  I have a picture that I'll try to post later this week. 

On Saturday night we had dinner guests over, for a total of 8 people in our home.  I think it's the biggest dinner party we've had, thus far, and it was a ton of fun.  Mr. T's parents came, along with the Nelsons. 
Have I ever introduced you to Andy Nelson? 
Someday I will.  You'll be very happy to meet him.

Today has been pretty uneventful, except for little pockets of joy.

Mr. T stopped by my office twice.
Once to bring me a snack and once to eat lunch with me.
He is a really, really, really good husband.  Really, really, really good.

I posted this picture on face book today.  It's when we were in India about this time last year.

Our time in India was the most challenging of our whole relationship.  Sometimes I reflect on it and am amazed at how I almost let him go.
I'm so thankful it worked out.
That man is a gift to me everyday.

Anyway, in this picture I'm holding a sign that says, "ALOO METHI", which is some kind of potato dish in India.  But to me it sounds like something a pirate would say, like "ELLO MATIE".  Funny, right?

This picture has so much meaning because Mr. T and I parted ways in India and I was sure it was over, but I wasn't sure I wanted it to be over.  So when he flew back from India I went to pick him up from the airport and he walked out of the terminal to see me holding a sign that said, "ALOO METHI".  Then he smiled.  And I smiled.  And it helped. 

What else happened today...
Not much, except a couple of ladies were leaving their Bible Study just now and one was telling the others a story.

"...and wouldn't you know it, I looked down and saw a $5 bill lying in the water."
Other ladies gasp.

"...and I thought, that can't be real, but I bent down and picked it up and it WAS real!"
Other ladies chuckle.

"So I dabbed it off and rolled it up in a Kleenex."
Other ladies respond appropriately with coos and congratulations.

At the same time, an older man that I've never seen before walked briskly through the door with an orange and a grapefruit.  (Not an everyday occurrence at the church where I work.)

"Hello," I said.
"Do you need any fruit?" he said.
"Fruit?  No, probably not," I replied, certainly intrigued. 
"I'd say you need about 10 cases," he said, ignoring me, taking out a huge pocket knife and beginning to cut into a grapefruit so I could see first hand how irresistible it was.
I quickly re-stated, "No, I don't really need any fruit.  If you can come back tomorrow maybe some of the other guys would like to buy some."
"Not gonna be here tomorrow.  Last year you guys bought 4 cases from me."
Shrugging my shoulders, "Well, your best bet is that group of ladies walking out the door."

And off he went. 
I'm afraid he left disappointed because they didn't want to buy any fruit either. 

And that is the conclusion of a random smattering of events.  Thank you for reading.

With love,
Mrs. Tidyman

When Helping Hurts

I just finished reading "When Helping Hurts" by Steve Corbett and Brian Fikkert and I highly recommend it!

If you:

1) are on church staff
2) volunteer on a missions team
3) have ever wondered about how to best help the poor
4) have ever wondered if you should give money to beggars on the street
5) are breathing

then you should read this book.

Is it scripture?
No.

Will it answer ALL your questions?
No, but it will get you thinking about things perhaps in a new way. 

For a long time I have wanted to help people, but felt discouraged because I often didn't feel like I was actually helping.  Instead, I usually felt like I'm putting a band-aid on an infected wound before taking time to clean out the infection. 

I believe there is a wrong way to "help" and good intentions are not always enough.  However, I must say that although I have done many things wrong in an effort to help others, I didn't walk away from this book feeling like the scum of the earth.  I feel more hopeful and confident that, even though I have a lot to learn, I can begin to apply these concepts to assist people in an effective way.  It's empowering.

So many efforts made to help the less fortunate end up creating more long-term problems.  This book does a great job of laying the ground work for figuring out what we're doing right and wrong in our efforts and pointing us to further resources that will assist us in being more effective.

Even as I type this I feel like I'm not doing the book justice. 

Trust me, it's good. 
Certainly if you are in any place of influence, please read it and begin to think how it can be applied to your efforts.

Sleep Walking, Pillow Talking, Nose Smashing

You know the place between waking and dreams?

That's the venue for my next short story.

Last night, Mr. T and I must have both been half asleep when I felt a hand reach across my face and smash my nose.  

 

I groaned out a sleepy "Ow," to which he replied, "Sorry Mom."

 

"Sorry Mom," I laughed and then fell back asleep.

 

This morning I asked if he remembered saying "Sorry Mom" to me.  

He said he did remember and I told him that he was weird.

 

To which he replied, "Well I do refer to you as Mom to Annie."

Placing Bets

The other day I placed a bet with Mr. T.

NOT a wise move.

Mostly because I bet our whole tax return on some miscellaneous factoid about Mr. Rogers and lost big time.

The following Princess Bride quote came to mind.  It's when the Man in Black is arguing with Vizinni about which glass has the poison in it:

Vizzini: You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders - The most famous of which is "never get involved in a land war in Asia" - but only slightly less well-known is this: "Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line"! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha...

That's what it's like to place a bet with Mr. T.

It's like going "against a Sicilian with death is on the line!"

He knows EVERYTHING!

Me:  "Mr. Rogers was in the military."

Mr. T:  "No he wasn't.  That's just a rumor."

Me:  "Yes he was.  I heard it from a Pastor.  It's gotta be true.  He killed a bunch of people or something, then felt bad and said he would never be like that again, so he started wearing sweaters and talking to puppets and stuff."

Mr. T:  "Seriously, it's just a rumor.  Look it up on Snopes."

Me:  "Um, hello!  It's pronounced Snoooopes!"

Mr. T:  "No.  It's actually pronounced Snopes."

Dang-nabit! 
Wrong twice in a row!

But I beat him in a game of Monopoly Deal yesterday that was "for all the marbles", so I guess I feel better now.

Pop Quiz

Time to test your movie trivia. 
Leave a comment if you know what movies these quotes come from...without researching the source online!
I will be very, very, very impressed if someone can get all of these without cheating.

1.  "The dishes are DONE, man."

2.  "Get out of my facial!"

3.  "Americus? What kind of a name is Americus?"

4.  "Lactose intoleraaaaaaaaaaaance."

5.  "Ow! Son of a Nutcracker!"

6.  "You don't need scores of suitors.  Only one, if he's the right one."

7.  "Love is a many splendored thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love!"

8.  "Well, I love you too! If that's what you said. I don't know if it ends in a 'ya' if it's a true 'I love you.'"

9.  "Hey Donny, looks like this one is suffering from shell shock."

10.  "If she'd 'ave kept on goin' down that way she'd 'ave gone straight to that castle."

Good luck!

Mr. T Tidbits

I've been collecting these little tidbits to share with you.

Lunch with Keith
We had lunch the other day with Keith, a lovely gentleman who resides more on the "vintage" side of life.  I'm soft spoken, meaning he can't hear a darn thing I'm saying.  Even Jeff has to talk really loud, which is something I hate to do, especially in public places like restaurants.  I don't want people hearing what I'm saying.  Sometime during the conversation, Mr. T was talking about this big Navy ship thing we toured on our honeymoon.  A guy from the table behind us pipes up and shouts out, "they have one of those down in Texas too!"  And our loud conversation became even louder to include strangers from around the restaurant.  I love small town life.

Anyway, back to Keith.  His wife passed away last year.  Had she lived, they would have celebrated their 60th Anniversary.  "You get pretty used to having a person around after 60 years," Keith says. 

I can't imagine.

He told us that, in her last days, his wife said she regretted not teaching him to cook so that he could take care of himself after she's gone.  I thought good and hard about that and suggested to Mr. T the other day that it's important to me that he's not in the same boat sometime down the line.  We should be proactive, meaning he should start cooking at least one meal a week.  He did not agree.

His reply - "If you want me to start cooking, that's fine, but I've been living on my own for the last 20 years, eating out of cans and doing just fine."  Drat!  I thought for sure I could get him with that one.  It's a selfish suggestion, but one that's masked with undertones of love and care.  I didn't think he would see through it so fast!

Monopoly Deal
We played a couple of days ago.  I won 5 games in a row (maybe 4)!!!!  Mr. T commented on how I was whistling and singing and floating on cloud nine, which is a sharp contrast to the ugliness that appears when I lose a game.  I do believe I am improving my attitude.  I lost about 3 games the following day and managed to not throw a temper tantrum.  I reigned in my emotions and calmly/repeatedly reminded Mr. T that "it's pretty easy to win when you draw ALL the good cards." 

Steel Magnolias
We watched it the other day.  Probably the one and only time we'll ever watch it together.  It's my favorite movie.  Steel Magnolias has it all - laughter, tears, quotable lines and everything in between.  I kept nudging Mr. T to let him know that a funny line was coming up.  I nudged him a lot because there are a lot of funny lines.  I noticed he was not laughing as often or as loud as I was.  To be honest, he was bored.  And I guess that's okay because I don't think it's a good idea for my manly man's favorite movie to be Steel Magnolias. 

He commented the following day that, "I was bored for the first 90% of it, until you started crying like that after Julia Roberts died.  I've never seen you cry that hard."  Then, "the movie was all talk.  Just a bunch of women sitting around a beauty shop talking.  There weren't even any action parts."  I told him that there was that one part where Drum used a bow and arrow to shot the birds out of the tree.  Plus, you don't need action when you have great lines like, "Looks like two pigs fightin' under a blanket" and "Annelle, cool down.  I'm gonna have to turn the hose on you."

He continued by saying, "It doesn't even have a plot.  What's the plot?  Who's the main character?  Who's the heroine?  What's the conflict?"  To which I replied, "Who is the hero of Gladiator?" (Mr. T's favorite movie, as of late.) 

Mr. T - "Uh, the Gladiator."
Me - "Oh.  Well, what's the conflict?"
Mr. T - "He's gotta fight lions and people."
Me - "Well, Shelby has to fight diabetes in Steel Magnolias!"

BAM!  End of conversation.

Not because I won. 

Just because I think he gave up.

Either way, I still love Steel Magnolias.

May I Direct Your Attention To...

This post.

Darci sent this to me today.

Regarding birthdays, I feel the same way.

The "Not So Sweet" Sugar Fast

My sugar fast...it's going okay.
That is, if you define "okay" as eating a cinnamon roll and drinking a whole coke.
But I have excuses for both.
Yesterday, I was invited to eat lunch at St. Pat's, our town's Catholic school.
They were serving cinnamon rolls and chili.
I really wanted to trade my cinnamon roll for my friend's celery sticks, but she wasn't havin' it. 
She selfishly wanted her celery sticks all to herself, leaving me with a giant cinnamon roll that I had to eat because I didn't want to appear ungrateful.
I HAD to!

Also, I got this ebook called, "I Quit Sugar" by Sarah Wilson.  It's overpriced, but the info is good.  She talks about quitting sugar, basically for good, and talks you through how to do that.  She doesn't suggest quitting cold turkey, but backing off sugar during the first week.  So that's what I'm doing...simply backing off.  Also, before I made this decision to quit sugar, I really wanted a cinnamon roll and a coke, but I didn't have a chance to consume the beloved treats before "No Sugar Launch Day".  The thought of both were constantly on my mind.  I didn't have any other choice but to eat/drink the desired items and now that I have, I can move on. 

Except, I wouldn't mind eating one more Reese's Peanut Butter cup.
And some lovely person left me a GIANT chocolate and peanut butter donut on my desk this morning and I would be rude to not eat any of it.
Plus, Sarah Wilson says that after you're off sugar for a while, you loose the taste for it and sugary things that tasted good before no longer taste good and I want to eat all the sugar things NOW while they still taste yummy.

All this is to say, I'm pretty sure I'm addicted to sugar and it's a good thing I'm doing this 8 week experiment to see if I can break its hold over my life.

But before that, I'm going to eat some of this donut.
Well, probably all of it.

Musings, Made Public

The following is an email exchange between The Highly Esteemed Brooke Grigg and I that I found entertaining.

From Brooke:
Keep in mind: I am not a doctor; so, the following observations will need to be confirmed through a physical exam. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it seems as if you have a sudden case of dyslexia and hallucinations/delusions. While perusing through the internet highway, I clicked on your blog which always enlightens my day.

Imagine my surprise when I read the heading, "You Asked for Pictures" and discovered there was not a picture. Below the picture box is a lovely description of the phantom photo. This has led me to the conclusion that you hallucinated, i.e, saw something that was not there or had a delusion (delusinated?!) and really believe the picture is there. Honey, it's not. The dyslexia diagnosis may come as a shock but it's right there in numerical disorder: 1.2.2012. It's February. The month of hearts and roses and dates starting with the number 2.

You are really young to have such a diagnosis, so I do understand if  you do not wish to speak of this publicly. I can keep a secret...............


My Reply:
Dear Not Dr. Brooke,

Thank you for your timely note.  All things were not, in fact, as they seemed.  The diagnosis of hallucinations/delusions/delusinations was incorrect.  The syptoms, upon further relection, revealed a rare case of ignorance as the picture was present at time of posting and, for reasons unknown, did not remain.  Prescriptions have been ordered, filled and taken, therefore, it is my belief that the problem is now corrected.  I trust that you will find the post amusing and ask that you do not delay your gratification a moment longer and view it post haste. 

Secondly, I respectfully ask that you please review a second time your inquiry regarding the date.  It would seem that in this post, and in all posts prior and following, the date is listed as such: Day/Month/Year, making the date 1.2.12 correct.  You are highly respected in this field and I wish to assure you that this minor oversight will in no way cast a shadow on your good name.

Thank you once again.

Best regards,
Not Dr. Mrs. Tidyman 

You Asked For Pictures

Here is a picture that Mr. T took of Annie and me last weekend while we were strolling through the garden outside our house.


Annie recently had her hair fixed and I just picked up my favorite dresses from the cleaners.

I think Mr. T captured the light really well in this shot.