Each night when I lay Tidytot down to sleep I smooth her hair back and say this prayer:
"Lord, watch over her.
Keep her safe.
And may she grow more and more like you."
My heart clings to a different line of the prayer depending on the moment. Especially when she was a newborn I begged God to watch over her as she slept, while my drowsy eyes were otherwise occupied in sleep. It seemed as if SIDS were pacing back and forth outside her window just waiting for an opportunity to strike. And oh, how I wanted to keep her.
How I still do. In those moments of fear, irrational as they may be, I pray, "Lord, watch over her. Keep her safe." For I can't imagine this life without her.
Other times my thoughts tend toward the eternal. "And may she grow more and more like you." I realize I'm asking for too much. Safety and Christ-likeness don't always go hand in hand. To be a follower of Jesus often means that one is anything but safe or comfortable.
Before Tidytot was born I saw a cute little print that I thought about putting in her nursery. It showed a little cartoon girl holding a candle with the saying, "Be a light in dark places." At first, I thought it was perfect. "Yes! Be a light!" But then I realized, in order for her to be a light in dark places, she has to GO to dark places, the very places I plan to protect her from, places I would willingly go to myself so that she may remain in the light. My instinct is always to shield her.
As time passes I'm aware that I have no idea what God has planned for her life. Who he has designed her to be, where he has prepared for her to go, the people he has orchestrated for her to meet. If it comes between her safety and her obedience to Christ, she must choose obedience. A life lived, not for herself, but as a girl who is growing more and more like Jesus, is the most important thing. For I can't imagine heaven without her.
Heaven wouldn't be heaven without Sage.
"Oh Lord, please watch over her.
Keep her safe.
But above all, Jesus, may she grow more and more like you."
Yes. My whole heart yesses this post, friend.
ReplyDeleteMy prayer with the girls every night always includes thanking God for keeping them safe for another day--I know God knows what is in my heart but it doesn't hurt to ask Him, and thank Him. I loved this post. Just last week I had the experience of Dinah handling a situation in which she was hurt by another student with much more forgiveness and compassion than I did--and it was so humbling. Of course that is what I want--for her to live her life with compassion and kindness--but it was humbling to have HER teaching ME how to handle something. I've had that experience a few times already with her older sister and it stops me in my tracks every time. Thank goodness God is making them who they need to be in spite of their imperfect parents.
ReplyDelete